Loss Of Libido
Unfortunately it’s true….. it is very common for long-time partners to become less attracted to each other over time – it is also much more common in women rather than men.
It is estimated that at any one time, several hundred thousand women in Britain are troubled by lack of libido. Fortunately, for many women, it is only a temporary phenomenon. Some will get over it by themselves – and a lot more can be helped by expert medical or psychosexual advice.
A recent study indicates that by age 30, three-quarters of women are either married or living with someone, but they are starting to have “partnered sex” less often than in their 20’s. In their 30’s, more women are having sex with a partner a few times a month, and fewer are having sex a few times a week. By the time they reach their 40’s, this disparity more than doubles.
There is a theory that the brain has evolved three mating drives:
Lust – the craving for sexual gratification;
Romantic love – a focused attention on another
Attachment – the feelings of calm and security with a long-term partner.
Each drive travels along a different pathway. Lust is associated with testosterone in both men and women. Romantic love is linked with the natural stimulant dopamine, and feelings of attachment are produced primarily by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which at elevated levels can actually suppress the circuits for lust.
The menopause can also have a significant effect on our libido. The desire to be sexual, takes practice, and it often goes away when you’re distracted by life’s challenges, or physical health changes. Psychological causes are also very common. It’s entirely understandable that when a woman is having a bad time emotionally, she may lose interest in sex. These causes may include depression, stress, and overwork.
Fortunately, libido is an elastic state of being that can be invited back into your life. It’s also true that you can enjoy pleasurable sex without having a strong libido. Orgasm gels and Clit Sucker pumps can help stimulate the clitoris which inturn can enhance feeling and arousal. Rosie King, MD writes: “Desire and arousal are two separate components, and are run by different parts of the brain … it is much easier to be turned on if you start with a high level of desire. But even if initially you feel sexually uninterested, if your partner helps to warm you up … you can enjoy a very pleasurable sexual experience … including high levels of arousal and orgasm.” There are various products on the market to help stimulate the atmosphere to assist with arousal. Room odourisers such as Aroma Mist we have found helpful. There are also Edible Massage Balms which can create intense sensations during foreplay.
If you are a woman who is suffering from lack of desire, there is no ‘magic cure’, although it’s clear that the big pharmaceutical companies are desperately searching for a drug that will turn women on! Herbal Viagra for Women and hormones are often suggested as a miracle remedy, particularly the male sex hormone testosterone.
To sum up…..
If you feel that you have lost the drive and passion for a fulfilling sexual relationship, you need to understand what’s causing the issue, and then take appropriate action. You may need the aid of expert help from professional councillors. More important than any ‘magic’ remedy is to have the support and understanding of a partner who wants to help you defeat the problem. A high proportion of women do achieve a return to normal libido.
